Friday, March 17, 2006

Kick me, I'm Irish

To some people of Irish descent (here in the States, anyway), St. Patrick's Day means corned beef and cabbage and wearing something green.

To me, it means paranoia and a sore arm or leg.

I'm colorblind.

More importantly, my classmates found out that I was colorblind.

"Hey, you're not wearing green!"

"Ow!" I said, recoiling from the pinch. "I am too!"

A flurry of Am Nots and Are Toos got us a debriefing with our teacher, whom I thought would come to my aid.

Alas, she said that I was, in fact, not wearing anything green. Shortly after, my classmates were told that I had trouble telling green from red.

So the next year, when St. Patrick's Day came around again, I made sure I was wearing green.

"Hey, you're not wearing green!"

"Ow!" I said, rubbing my arm where I'd been socked. "I am too wearing green! I even asked this time!"

"How do you know?" Smack!

So yeah, St. Patrick's Day, not so much a happy holiday for me.

Plus, I hate corned beef and cabbage.

The degree of my St. Pat's celebration is limited to driving the snakes from Modesto and imbibing the occasional Shamrock Shake from McDonald's, should I stop at one where they actually know what the hell I'm talking about.

"A what?"

"Shamrock Shake. You know, it's mint-flavored. And green. For St. Patrick's Day."

"I don't think we have that kind of thing here. We have McFlurries."

"Uh, never mind."

"Thank you. I'll have your total at the first window."


  1. Anonymous9:08 PM

    Jeff, my dad is colorblind, too, with greens and browns. He used to own his own company and commute an hour, so he would leave really early. He got home the evening of St. Patty's day once and my mom noticed he was wearing some brown Mickey Mouse socks that nowhere near matched what he was wearing. She asked him why he was wearing them, and he said, "They're the only green I've got".

    Well, after she burst out laughing, she told him they were in fact, far from green. He said, "Well that explains the funny looks the employees gave me all day!" :D

  2. Anonymous2:52 AM

    Great little story. I am colorblind too and happy that we don't celebrate St. Patrick's Day in switzerland. Otherwise I definitely would have the same problems as you described.

    Next time you could maybe wear a t-shirt which says on it "GREEN", possibly this would support the message a bit...

  3. Anonymous5:49 PM

    is that my friggin green grimace ring?

  4. No, Josh, I found the picture on the Internet. And it's not a Grimace ring, it's an Uncle O'Grimacy ring. Get it straight, little brother...