The perfect movie for Michael Bay to remake...

This week, we leaguers were to ponder the following:

We can all agree that Michael Bay makes everything better. After he’s done with the Teenage Alien Ninja Turtles movie, what should Michael Bay blow up next?

Admittedly, I'd probably see it.

Plan 9 From Outer Space.

Hell, yeah.

In this updated remake of the Ed Wood classic schlockfest, Eros and Tanna are aliens who have been tasked with keeping Earth's scientists from creating an element that, if not handled properly, could destroy the whole system. Unfortunately, they are not the most competent among their peers in charge of keeping galactic peace.

Their previous eight plans failed to prevent work from being done on the project, and while the weapon is still in development, they have only time for one more plan, so if they blow it again, there's going to be a big empty space where our solar system used to be.

Plan 9 deals with the resurrection of the dead. In addition to having an instant army of zombie soldiers to do their bidding, Eros and Tanna also hope to sew chaos around the world by the mere presence of people's loved ones rising from their graves. And since this is the Michael Bay version, the technology that revives and controls the dead is unstable; the bodies can blow up at any time, which means the aliens need to get their act together as quickly as possible.

The clock is ticking...



The rest of the League sounds off:

• Chris Tupa was brave enough to admitting to enjoying MB films, and would like to see more. Some of his ideas don’t sound that crazy!
• The Claymation Werewolf was so excited for this week’s topic, that he actually wrote his response last November. (He must have a Delorean with a flux capacitor in his garage.)
• Brian at Cool & Collected thinks Michael Bay would have had an interesting take on hit films of the 80′s.
• Ashley at Life with Fandom has an idea that actually sounds pretty cool. Bay couldn’t screw up a cartoon could he? oh wait.
• Dex at AEIOU and Sometimes Why had another concept that might actually work under the skilled tutelage of Michael Bay.
• John at the Revenge of the Cosmic Ark wants to see how Bay handles some poppin’ and lockin’.
• Kevin at Team Hellions figures MB would be the perfect fit for a wrestling movie (but I’m not sure America could handle that much testosterone).
• And finally, I guarantee that Tom at Freak Studios did more research than anyone else for his response.

Because all you of Earth are idiots...

Amazingly, next year marks the 50th anniversary of Ed Wood's epic Plan 9 From Outer Space. Director John Johnson and Darkstone Entertainment plan to mark this occasion by releasing a remake called simply Plan 9.

Why is this exciting?

Well, the plan (so to speak) is for this remake to be a serious attempt at a horror film. No lovingly campy reproduction here. They're out to make this a scary movie.

Now this interested me because obviously, I'm a fan of B-movies, but also because I've often thought of rewriting cheesy sci-fi and horror movies as writing exercises.

When you distill Plan 9's plot into its most basic form, it has potential: Aliens reanimate the dead.

Of course, they wanted to do so to prevent Earth's scientists from creating a doomsday weapon, and you wonder why plans 1 through 8 were unsuccessful, but that's overthinking things.

So you know I'm going to be all over this when it comes out, just to see if they can make an Ed Wood movie scary.

This made me think of other movie distillations that didn't really work when they were originally released but still have hope as a remake. Even bad movies can have good ideas.

I'll list them, and you try to guess them. Then I'll post the answers tomorrow.

Killer targets women and uses parts from each of his victims to create a composite body.

Eight people are the only survivors of an alien attack on Earth.

Ordinary man discovers he likes the taste of human flesh.

A murderer is reincarnated.

Mutated animals terrorize the world.

Well, that'll do for a start. To get you in the right frame of mind, here's Ed Wood's original classic.