Sorry, ladies, he's taken

Y'know, I was almost going to let this one go without comment.

For some reason, they were selling tiny stockings in the gumball machines at the store when we were kids. I don't think that was the main draw -- we were probably trying to get one of those giant sticky things that it's fun to smack people with.

At first we were bummed out with our purchase. I mean, what can you do with a tiny stocking?

"I bet you can't fit it over your head," I said to my brother, Josh.

No sooner said than done. The fun part came when he tried to take it off -- and couldn't.

We just had to save this one for posterity.

Now, I don't know what's funnier -- the twin runs in the stocking that line up with his front teeth or his Bear Whiz Beer shirt.

What about the Twinkie?

I saw this at Junk Food Blog, and it made my morning.

I know, it's only a bit after 7 here, but I've been up since 2:30, so there.

Banana Creme Filled Twinkies!

Ever since I found that Twinkies were originally filled with banana creme (I was doing a report on the food groups), I always wondered what that would taste like.

They should be on store shelves now, so we'll see if I can find them and try them out before their limited time is up.

It's a tie-in with the DVD release of "King Kong," which, like every movie since "Batman Begins," I have yet to see.

The last time they had a King Kong movie, the ill-fated "King Kong Lives," with Linda Hamilton, I thought I had the perfect product tie-in.

Pez dispensers.

Check it out -- this is sort of how it could've worked had they consulted me and planned it ahead of time:

1. Early in movie, have a scene where Kong sees a kid with a soldier Pez dispenser. He sees the kid pull the head back and grab some candy. Maybe even throw in a funny reaction from Kong.
2. Later in movie when encountering soldiers, Kong remembers the Pez dispenser. He tries to flip the guy's head back, but there's no candy. Kong sad.

3. Have tie-in dispensers with packs of white and red Pez.

In my defense, I was 12. But you'd definitely remember the movie, wouldn't you?

Where's the love, Paula?

I have issues with "American Idol" judge Paula Abdul. It's not about how she's nice to practically everyone, and it's not about how what she says doesn't always seem to make sense ("... the moth who finds the melon ...").

It's simply this: It's the fifth season of American Idol, and MC Skat Kat has yet to be featured as a celebrity judge.

Has she forgotten about her old friend? I mean, they were in a video together, they collaborated on a song -- doesn't that mean anything?

That's cold-hearted.

He's not goofy, he's my brother

In sixth grade, we all got fake awards at the end of the year. I got one for "Most Interesting Brother," because of all the goofy things I told my classmates about my brother, most of which were actually true.

In that spirit, I thought I would share some of the highlights from time to time.

Today, we'll start with something simple.

For some reason, Josh makes goofy faces in pictures. This is partly because he has a goofy face (rimshot), and partly because I think he wasn't paying attention when someone would whip out the camera.

That's how you get pictures like this:


Yeah, you know, your guess is as good as mine on that one.

Josh would probably tell you that he was slyly flipping the bird, but I'm not buying it.

As easy as 1-2-3

Look at me -- all domestic and stuff.

Just as my wife pretends to see my coveted Nacho Cheese Cheetos on the shelves, I catch her with "Hey, isn't that Jell-O 1-2-3?"

Except when I do it, I'm a jerk.

Well, we were jonesing for some of the aforementioned dessert, so we decided to make it ourselves. Apparently so many people have asked about it that the Kraft Web site actually has a recipe for it.

I made a few modifications -- I used the regular Jell-O and Cool Whip instead of low-calorie. But after a few minutes, this is what I ended up with. On first glance, it looked like I'd made Jell-O 1-2. But if you look close, there's a third layer in the middle. I've labeled them for your convenience.


So you're saying, "That's amazing, Jeff! I am constantly amazed at the seemingly unending list of things at which you excel (with the exception of growing hair, which, as it's not your fault, doesn't count against you). But how did it taste?"

It was pretty good. I don't really have a concrete memory of what it's supposed to taste like, but it tasted like something I'd eaten before, and that was good enough for me. Look, I'm even smiling.

Of course, just after Jen took this picture, I realized that it hadn't quite set yet. But after a little bit in the freezer (I'm impatient, sue me), it was fine.

Since I used the mixed fruit flavor, the bottom layer had a color similar to raw chicken, which was a little disturbing. So let that be a little tip to you -- consider the resulting color when you pick your flavor.