Because Spanky was already taken, I guess

You gotta love some of the old-school He-Man figures.

Hey, this guy has a groovy beard, a giant armored hand and wears a Speedo to battle. Let's call him ... Fisto!

Yeah, nobody could take that the wrong way...

Great moments in cinema

As a Friday night treat, here is my favorite part of the blaxpoitation epic, Black Belt Jones.

If you're watching this at work or in front of the kids, this was rated R, so be warned.



Here's the trailer:

One of the best things about TV Guide

I recently nabbed a 1984 Fall Preview TV Guide off of eBay, and I noticed that the infamous Turbo Teen premiered that week. I scanned the page so you wouldn't think I was making this up:



"Debut: Teen-ager Bret Matthews turns into a turbocharged racer whenever his temperature rises."

How many times did they have to try to summarize this without sounding like they were on drugs? By using the phrase "turbocharged racer," one could think that he was able to run really fast instead of turning into a friggin' car.

For some reason, ABC debuted its fall offerings this week, while CBS and NBC waited until the following week, hence the teaser ad for The Snorks also on this page.

Even when we were kids, we recognized The Snorks as a shameless ripoff of The Smurfs. Sure, they came in different colors and had phalluses on their heads (yeah, I know they were supposed to be snorkels, but come on), but still, we knew this was weak sauce.

Of course, we all thought Turbo Teen was badass, so maybe we weren't the best arbiters of quality programming...

Just one of those days...

The answers revealed!

So how did you do on the crossword? Too hard? Too easy? Too pointless?

On writing.

I've been thinking about writing a lot lately. That is to say I've been thinking a lot about writing. Aside from the daily posts here, I haven't been doing much writing at all, which kind of bums me out.

Sometimes I like to dig up something I wrote a while back and see how it looks, which, since I'm a little tired today, is what the bulk of this post will be.

It's just the first little bit of a story I started writing for NaNoWriMo back in 2006. I never finished it, so I never came up with a title.

Solomon Cauldar looked at his target and sighed.

Another bank job, he thought, looking skyward at the moon, which, he noticed, was waxing. I live for the day I don't have to waste my time with this crap.

The first couple of times, he used a couple of guys he found to help him, but as time went on, they seemed to be more trouble than they were worth. Besides, he tried to keep in shape; he could manage most of the heavy lifting he needed to do.

He checked his watch: 11:37 p.m. Amazingly, this place didn't have much in the way of security, relying instead on surveillance cameras.

Morons.

He cracked the knuckles of his long, thin fingers and headed inside. The cameras wouldn't see him, and no one would know that he had been there until the morning.

He headed down the hall, staying in the shadows. Solomon wore black, as he usually did, right down to his black Chuck Taylors. He could stand right behind someone and they'd never even see him there.

Finally, he arrived at the vault. He pulled a piece of Wrigley's Doublemint out of his pocket and started chewing. Then he went to work.

How many times? he wondered. Solomon tried to keep his mind busy to fight off the pangs of guilt that plagued him during lulls in his heists. He liked to tell himself that the crimes he committed were relatively victimless, but he knew there were people out there who needed his treasure as much as he did.

He was just a little more proactive in terms of getting what he needed, that's all.
Back at his car, a green 1971 Plymouth Duster with deeply tinted windows, he loaded his haul into the trunk. He always knew exactly how much to get; no sense letting greed trip him up. That's one of the reasons he'd never been caught.

His take secured, he closed the trunk gently and slid into the driver's seat. Solomon took one last look at his target in the rear-view mirror and released the parking brake, letting the car coast down the hill a bit before starting the engine.

As the engine turned over, the radio crackled to life. Neil Diamond's "Thank the Lord for the Night Time" was playing. Solomon smiled.

"Amen," he said.

The Franklin County Blood Bank, the only two-story building in the small town of Baileyville, grew smaller in Solomon's mirror until it, like him, was out of sight.

There's a lot more, but I'm just curious if this beginning is enough to make people want to continue reading.

Pop culture freakout crossword puzzle

Okay, crossword fiends, this one might be a little tougher than the old-school TV Guide crossword puzzles I've featured before.

Well, tougher for you; I know all the answers already because I wrote the puzzle. These are all things I could answer without consulting reference material or the Internet.

If you can finish the puzzle without any help, then you are as big of a freak as I am. But don't feel bad if you have to look something up. That just means you have a life and are probably well-adjusted socially.

Special thanks to pal Jessica, who made me aware of the program I used to make this puzzle, which you can get here.



Across
1. You went to this store? Tell a friend (two words).
3. Score over 50,000 points on this Activision game to get a Sub Club patch.
6. What to say if you want to get slimed on You Can't Do That on Television (three words).
7. His real name means "star child" in his native language.
9. Proprietor of the Pizza Time Theater (three words).
13. In this craptacular 1980 musical, the sun rises in the west in the first 10 minutes of the movie.
16. Creature that attacks Luke Skywalker in the garbage masher aboard the Death Star.
17. The first Christian antidrug, turkey vampire biker movie (two words).
19. 5th-dimensional imp who pesters Superman every 90 days.
20. Host of Battle of the Network Stars.
21. Last name of The Greatest American Hero: Ralph _______.
22. If I were a Popsicle, I'd be this flavor.
23. Hulk's secret identity in the comics: _____ Banner.
26. Location of the Hall of Doom.
28. Preferred biscuit of Bill Maxwell.
29. Dragon faced by Dig Dug.
30. Bear on B.J. and the Bear was this kind of animal.
32. Last episode of Star Trek: _________ Intruder.
35. Super ____ Osborne
36. Funny no matter what everyone else says.
38. Protagonist of The Phantom Tollbooth
39. Tom Fitzgerald had a great one.
40. First host of Creature Features.
42. Rosco P. Coltrane's epithet of choice.
44. Director who also wrote under the name of Akdov Telmig.
46. Only Super Powers Collection action figure I never got.
47. Jack and Janet's first roommate after Chrissy on Three's Company.
48. Occupation of Charlie Brown's father.
49. He's a cereal killer (two words).


Down

2. Typical answer on Match Game.
3. Last name of the original Ronald McDonald.
4. Dukes of Hazzard spinoff
5. Home planet of Sinestro.
8. He set fire to the Bradfords' home while playing with a soldering iron.
10. Video-game-themed game show.
11. The best place to be marooned with wisecracking robots.
12. What color underwear Lois Lane wears in Superman.
14. First name of the killer in the original Friday the 13th.
15. Zan and Jayna's home planet.
16. Builders of tasty crystalline construction on Fraggle Rock.
18. Ronald Raymond and Prof. Martin Stein originally joined together as this hero.
20. The hottest place north of Havana.
24. My favorite Brady girl.
25. Lolly, Lolly, Lolly, get your ______ here.
27. Tastes good like a cigarette should.
31. 1983 Bill Bixby/Mariette Hartley comedy: Goodnight ________.
33. Wrote the music for the 1980 movie Popeye.
34. Pebbles' and Bamm-Bamm's pal with bad luck.
37. This Teen Titans villain was also Raven's father.
41. No. 12 on the 70s-era Oakland Raiders.
43. The Saving Place.
45. Hulk's secret identity in the 70s TV show: ______ Banner.