Saturday, October 01, 2005

Make the best of the situation

So I'm listening to Yahoo radio, and "Layla" comes on. I looked at the album title.

Yeah, the song's overplayed and all, but isn't that a bit harsh? After all, Eric Clapton is also the guy who gave us "It's In the Way That You Use It" from the soundtrack to "The Color of Money."

Hmm ... maybe not.

Friday, September 30, 2005

What a wookiee!

Man, let's just add one more thing to the list of things Chewbacca has done that I haven't. Kick a guy while he's down, why don't you?

But then again, bloggers don't pull people's arms out of their sockets when they lose. Wookiees are known to do that.

(via Fark)

Dumb idea du jour of the day

Like I've said before, I get lots of things floating through my head. Some, like Jell-O breast implants (safe, moldable, and hey, there's always room for Jell-O), are not such great ideas.

Some are dumb ideas with a spark of novelty. You be the judge.

My idea: a waffle iron with changeable iron plates. Each plate has a maze on it that kids can try to solve by pouring syrup on the path of their choice. To avoid getting too tired of the same maze, there are different mazes on the plates that fit into the iron.

Obvious problems: If you suck at mazes, your waffle is ice cold by the time you're done.

But as a novelty item, who knows?

The name would be something like The A-maze-ing Waffle Maker. One of my super powers is the ability to come up with a catchy if inane name for products.

I saw a commercial for a product called UrineGone. It's supposed to help clean up pet pee incidents, although they make a point to mention that it works for people, too. The announcer says the name of the product at least 30 times in just a minute or two, and each time, the name sounds lamer and lamer.

Instead of UrineGone, isn't PissAway a better name? Not only does it describe the product, but it's also indicative of what you're doing with your money when you buy it.

Tuesday, September 27, 2005


Halloween is only a month away, and Jen and I are trying to figure out what Brody should dress up as.

More accurately, I'm looking for something I like that I can talk her into.

Fortunately, as Brody is becoming a rugged he-man, she's not pushing for the cute little pea pod costume. Last year he was a puppy, complete with cute-but-mildly-disturbing dog head/hood.

Much to my surprise, he didn't rip the hood off. He wasn't big on things covering his head then. Now, everything's a hat.

Brody plops a shoe on my head.

"Hat! H!"

The H is because Mr. Man wants to know that I know that he knows his alphabet. As if I could forget. Instead of regular 2-year-old babble, I get to hear "ABCDEFG," etc., all day long.

Not that much of a complaint, really; I mean, he's 2 and he knows the alphabet already. He should be teaching his uncle.

So back to the whole costume thing.

I saw a nifty Batman costume at Target that looked like it would fit him. For his first Halloween, I thought this Spider-Man costume would be cool, but I knew he wouldn't wear the mask. I'm pretty sure they Photoshopped the mask on the kid in the picture.

I don't think it's the right size, but how cool/bizarre is this?

I didn't see this one at the store, but I'd be surprised if there's a kid dragging his parents to the Halloween costumes bellowing "I wanna be Thor!" This one is equally obscure (maybe less, thanks to the Justice League Unlimited cartoon), but at least it's not Thor.

And speaking of odd Halloween costumes, you have to check this out. Just for the Rubik's Cube costume alone.

Target's Web site has some interesting names for the costumes. As if Batman and Robin haven't endured enough gender-related pondering, here's the costume they offer for Batman's sidekick. Robyn? What's this hero's secret identity? Ann Drogynous?

Obviously, they haven't been forced had the privilege of watching The Wiggles. Unless Sword is his last name...

And I'm sorry, but this is just wrong, wrong, wrong.

Professor Jeff's Planet Facts

  • Uranus is the seventh planet from the sun.

  • Uranus rotates sideways.

  • Uranus has rings.

  • Uranus has 27 moons.

  • The atmosphere on Uranus contains hydrogen, helium, methane, ammonia, ethane, acetylene, carbon monoxide and hydrogen sulfide.

and sadly,

"Careful pronunciation may be necessary to avoid embarrassment; say 'YOOR a nus,' not 'your anus' or 'urine us.'"

Once again, facts get in the way of high comedy.

Monday, September 26, 2005

Modesto hits the big time

Today's Modesto sighting comes to us courtesy of the comic strip Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis.

Lincoln, Lincoln, I've been thinkin', what the heck have I been drinkin?

I scored some new Jones Sodas at Target last week. They are Halloween-themed Target exclusives.

And coolest of all, they're in the little half-size cans.

I have a love-hate relationship with miniature versions of familiar products. On one hand, it's nice to have a smaller portion.

On the other hand, it messes with my sense of perception. I got Ritz Bits in my lunch when they were still a new phenomenon and thought that I had grown to Brobdingnagian proportions. Looking around, I noticed that I was still shorter than my peers and assumed that my new power was only evident when compared to snack crackers.

Plus, I had a lot of cough syrup that morning. But I digress.

The sodas come in four flavors: Candy Corn, Caramel Apple, Strawberry S'Lime and Scary Berry Lemonade.

Being the brave person I am -- plus I wanted to be a giant again -- I bought a four-pack of each and sampled them.

First tip: Make sure they are chilled. Warm soda is no fun, and in the case of Dr Pepper could be dangerous.

I drank a Dr Pepper that had been sitting in the car in the heat and I swear I almost burned my tongue off. Play it safe -- use ice.

Anyway, I tried Candy Corn first. One of the local grocery stores has offered a red licorice soda through their house brand line of sodas. It was actually pretty good, and it tasted remarkably like red licorice. Would Candy Corn live up to my expectations?

Well, yes and no. Thankfully, it wasn't as sweet as it could have been, but it didn't really hit me with the "Oh, this totally tastes like candy corn" realization I was hoping for.

It does taste a bit like candy corn. It has a kind of caramelly overtaste with hints of citrus in the background.

Look at me, I sound like a wine snob.

Caramel Apple was also not as sweet as I had feared and was pretty good. The caramel element was quite light, giving it a taste very close to Jones' Green Apple soda. Still, pretty tasty.

Strawberry S'Lime was OK. I usually get strawberry limeades when I go to Sonic, so I was a little disappointed that this didn't have the same bite I associate with this flavor pairing.

Scary Berry Lemonade was my least favorite. It wasn't particularly scary, I must say, and if not for the Halloween-themed can, wouldn't really stand out very much.

Jones Soda has in the past come up with a turkey-and-gravy flavored soda, so by comparison, these Halloween offerings are quite tame. I'm a little surprised they didn't try pumpkin.

At least now I can say that I drank four cans of soda in only a few minutes.