I don't think that's what KFC stands for...

Someone needs to make a picture of this that has Kanye interrupting him.

Oh, dear God, I'm old.

I wonder if this happens to other people--at some point in your adolescence, time stops. No matter how long something has been, if it's after that cutoff date, it's "new."

For me, this cutoff is around 1985-1988. While I realize Bob Barker let his hair go white almost 25 years ago, I still consider it new. Likewise the Snuggle bear and a bunch of other stuff.

Logically, I know that Aerosmith's "Permanent Vacation" album is 20+ years old, but I don't think of it as being as old now as "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band" was when I was watching the video for "Angel." Does that make sense to you?

I mention this because at the end of this block of 80s commercials, there's a spot for Suncheros chips from Keebler. For some ungodly reason, I have this jingle embedded in my brain to the point that "pequeños Keebleros" is among the only Spanish I know.

Sad, really.

Patrick Swayze, RIP

While I imagine other folks are sharing clips from "Dirty Dancing," "Donnie Darko," "Red Dawn," "Ghost," or one of a kajillion movies Patrick Swayze made during his too-short lifetime, how many are sharing a clip from "Skatetown USA."

Oedipus wrecks

Much as "Plan 9 From Outer Space" gets pegged as "The worst movie ever made," there's a little show that (unfairly, in my opinion) makes the tops of the "worst TV shows ever made" list.

That's not to say this is up there with "Mary Tyler Moore" or "M.A.S.H."

This show features everyday schlub Dave Crabtree, who, while looking for a family car on a used car lot, stumbles across a 1928 Porter. This beater of a car just happens to be (you should probably sit down for this, especially if you took some Nyquil) his reincarnated mother who communicates to him through the car radio.

Yes, it's "My Mother the Car," starring future Big Lots pitchman Jerry van Dyke (okay, he was on "Coach," too) as beleaguered Dave Crabtree, and Ann Sothern as the voice of Dave's mother.

Now aside from dealing with reincarnation as a given--the theme song even starts with "Everybody knows in the second life, we all come back sooner or later."--this was essentially "Mr. Ed" with wheels.

But if you stop to think for a few seconds, which is something that often gets me into trouble, you'll realize how creepy the show's premise is. I'll wait for you.

::checks watch::

See what I mean? Okay, so this grown man is riding around in his mom. Is this supposed to symbolize returning to the womb or something? It's different this time, though, because he's the one in control. This is getting creepier already.

I haven't watched every episode yet, but I'm hoping they had the sense to avoid any prolonged scenes of Dave filling her up at the gas station.

God, I think I need a shower after that. And I didn't even approach the topic of farting in the car, especially when stuck in traffic. I don't do such things, of course, but I've heard about them.

Now that I've skeeved everyone out, I should mention that you can watch the entire series--all 30 episodes--on Hulu. I've taken the liberty of embedding a couple of episodes below.

In the first episode, the series' premise is laid out in checklist manner, even making sure to introduce a comic nemesis for Dave--in this case, the crazy car collector Captain Manzini, played by Avery Schreiber, who to me will always be the guy in the old Doritos commercials.

He wants the 1928 Porter for his collection. His schtick is that he never gets Dave's last name right. I don't know if this gag was ever funny, but I can't help but think it was already played out by the time this show hit the air.

In the second episode here, about midway through the series' run, Manzini is still after Dave's car, but this time he's threatening to shrink the car to the size of a toy if Dave doesn't sell it to him.

Now keep in mind, this isn't a horrible show; it's just not really that great. I've seen worse shows, that's for sure. But even if this is one of the worst shows ever, I'm happy to see it on Hulu so we can all make fun of it together.

Goodbye, productivity

Okay, Batman: Arkham Asylum is awesomesauce, and Guitar Hero 5 is pretty friggin' cool, too. Next week, Beatles: Rock Band comes out, and a week after that (I think), Marvel Ultimate Alliance 2 comes out.

Where does one go to secure a sugar daddy or mommy?

Nerdgasm

Okay, I may have mentioned this before, but 30 years ago, there was a show on NBC called "Whodunnit?", which was a murder-mystery game show.

I remember seeing just a bit of the show--at the time, I was only 4. The part I remembered was Erik Estrada playing a singer who is electrocuted by his microphone and the incredibly cheesy effect used for the electrocution.

If you skip to about 2:30 in the video below, you'll see the few seconds of footage that has been embedded in my brain for the last three decades.

Now that I've seen it again, hopefully that will open up a little portion of brain that I can use to remember something important, like my kids' birthdays, my cell phone number, or the theme song to "Tic Tac Dough."

Summer vacation is almost over

My unplanned blogging sabbatical is almost at an end. Stay tuned.

Two great tastes that go better together

I don't know why this popped into my head, but I started thinking of ideas for movie/children's book mashups and what some of the titles might be. After sharing with a few friends, I got a few more suggestions (noted in the list below). Here's what I came up with so far:

Harold and the Purple Crayon Go To White Castle

The Last House on the Left Where the Sidewalk Ends

Bob, Ted, Beezus and Ramona

Tales From the Crypt of a Fourth-Grade Nothing

Are You There, God? It's Me, Forrest Gump (Karyne)

Ramona the Braveheart

Goodnight Moon Over Parador

Alexander, and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day After Tomorrow

The Secret Garden State (Karyne)

If You Give a Mouse That Roared a Cookie

Regarding Henry Huggins

The Lion, the Witches of Eastwick, and the Wardrobe

Peter Pan's Labyrinth

Scream, Bunnicula, Scream

One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Big Fish

The Cat People in the Hat

Hush Hush, Sweet Charlotte's Web

Charlie and the Chocolat Factory

I Shot Jesse James and the Giant Peach

Stuart Little Shop of Horrors

Enter The Reluctant Dragon

There's Something About Mary Poppins

Bread and Space Jam for Frances

Anne of the Green Berets

Fried Green Eggs and Ham

The Trouble With Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone

Pat the Brown Bunny

Hop on Monterey Pop

Go, Ghost Dog, Go

The Wonderful Wizard of Zardoz

Ramona and Her Father of the Bride

How the West Was Won Once Upon a Potty

Ramona and Her Mother, Jugs, and Speed

The Cricket Over Tiananmen Square

Nowhere to Heidi

Little House on the Prairie Home Companion

The Best Little Whorehouse on the Prairie in Texas

Meet the Swiss Family Robinsons

The Velveteen Rabbit Test

Ten Little Indians in the Cupboard

The Sisterhood of the Traveling Spongebob Squarepants

A Little Princess Bride

The Cat on a Hot Tin Roof Ate My Gymsuit

The Doll's House on Haunted Hill

A Mighty Wind in the Willows

A Rumble Fish Called Wanda

Batman and The Outsiders

That Was Then, This is Apocalypse Now

The Phantom Tollbooth of the Opera

A Wrinkle Somewhere in Time

Pippin Longstocking

The Call of the Wild Bunch

Single White Fang

Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of NIMH Are Coming! The Werewolves Are Here!

Where the Wild Things to Do in Denver When You're Dead Are

The Unsinkable Encyclopedia Brown

Journey to the Center of This Island Earth

20,000 Leagues Under the Sea of Love

Ivanho-tep

What Little Women Want

Rebecca of Sunnybrook Funny Farm

You, Me, and Everyone Poops (Sarah)

Bad News Berenstain Bears (Karyne)

Conducting an experiment

While working this afternoon, I had a random brainfart:

Asslol: That person who keeps sending you LOLcats while you're trying to get work done.

So I sent it out on Twitter to get it into circulation. But I don't have that many followers on Twitter, so it only got repeated a little bit.

Well, that wasn't going to work.

Instead of relying on myself with 200-some-odd followers, I decided to ask a pal who had slightly more followers. In less than 20 minutes, it had already been retweeted 13 times.

Interesting.

Which reminds me:

What plane only flies on weekdays, anyway?

I think my brain just asploded.

Brief conversation with my daughter, aged 19 months

We're in the living room, listening to music. Out of nowhere, Ramona unleashes a burp that rattles the glass on the entertainment center.

"Ramona, what do you say?"

"Nice."

Can you tell she's my daughter?

Watch out for The Villain

I got The Villain from Netflix recently to watch with my son. I saw it when I was his age and dug it a lot. Hey, it was a bunch of cartoony gags and Ann-Margret.

Brody wasn't very interested at first, but the more he recognized the Wile E. Coyote-style shenanigans, he paid more attention until after each one, he'd ask, "Now what is he going to do?"

He was so enthralled by the end that he sat next to me on the couch and said, "Let's watch this together." I'm glad he did, because the look on his face when he saw the last gag of the movie (with some very familiar music for him) was priceless. His jaw was agape, his mouth showing both surprise and happiness.

"You are, I was about to say, no longer eligible."

Actual conversation between me and the missus:

Me: "I think you can only get unemployment for 36 weeks."

Her: "Where did you hear that?"

Me, pausing as I realize the source: "Um, 'Superman 3.'"

Her: "You are such a nerd. When did that movie come out?"

Me: "1983."

Kids, this is why you don't come to me for important, useful information.

Living a charmed life

So not only am I writing a cool project that I love, not only am I seeing "Watchmen" tomorrow night on IMAX, but with my dinner tonight, I had...

a Shamrock Shake.

It's been years. And I didn't have to explain it or anything. It was even on the menu board.

Can I get an amen?

1979: The year the drugs kicked in

I've been doing research for a project I'm doing at work, which just launched last week. If I were a shameless self-promotional whore, I'd post a link to it, but we all know better, don't we?

I'm writing about TV shows--specifically those that make you go WTF? While entering the first batch of shows into my spreadsheet (yes, I'm a hopeless nerd), I noticed a disproportionate number of shows launched in 1979.

Part of this could be that 1979 is where my TV watching really started in earnest, or it could just be that the drugs finally took effect, resulting in really odd show premises.

In "Salvage 1," Andy Griffith plays the owner of a salvage company who decides to build a spaceship so he can salvage junk left on the moon.

"Supertrain" also debuted in 1979. Clearly, this was a banner year for crap.

Coincidentally, my brother was born in 1979. You do the math.

At any rate, I'm really jazzed about this project, and I'm hoping to make a trek out to Southern California to visit the Paley Center for Media and check out their library of old shows. I could practically live there, they've got so much stuff I want to see.

The Force is strong with this one

My son got a glowstick from a birthday party he went to over the weekend. He'd never seen one, so I showed him how it worked. My wife cracked the inner chamber, and as it began to glow, I herded him into the bathroom--the only dark place in the house.

It was a shining green by that point, and it reminded me of the crystal in Superman's rocket from the first Superman movie.

"Check it out, Brody. Just like in 'Superman.'"

He looked at it for a second, then took it from me. He began swinging it around.

"VRRRRMMMMMMM! RMMMMMMMMMMSSHHHHH!"

He then said he wanted a green lightsaber. It was one of those proud dork dad moments.

Start your weekend off right

No, I'm still here, honest...

Siftin' Headquarters has been plagued by a number of rotating illnesses, so I haven't had as much time as I'd have liked to work on things. But everything seems to be quieting down, so things should resume fairly normally in the next day or so.

Button, button, who's got the button?

My wife and I went antiquing this weekend. No, we didn't go around pelting the unsuspecting with flour.

I found lots of interesting pop culture items, only a few of which I could actually purchase.

Here are two buttons I got.

The one on the bottom was clearly a promotional item for Swanson, presumably their line of TV dinners.

But the NBT on NBC button, I have no idea. I'm sure someone out there has a clue. Let me know so I'm not up all night puzzling over it.