In the grown-up world where I spend part of my existence, I feel I start the day at a disadvantage because I don't drink coffee.
So generally speaking, you'll never hear me say, "God, I'm beat. I need coffee." More often than not, it will be something like, "Oh God, I think I got beaten up by little men while I slept. Is today over yet?"
See, coffee drinkers have hope that there is a cure to their listlessness. Me, I have to rely on Pez.
Which, judging from some of the looks I've gotten from co-workers, is not a breakfast food.