Gobots still suck.

Well, the Transformers movie opens today, and just as in 1986, I'm going to miss it. I know, I know, this seems like it would be right up my alley, what with it being based on a beloved toy property from the 80s and all.

You won't be hearing any complaints about how the movie is sullying childhood memories. Not from me, anyway. Here's the thing: I wasn't that into Transformers as a kid.

I had exactly one Transformer, and I got that as a Christmas present. It was Mixmaster, one of the Constructicons. I think he was the left foot when they all combined to become Devastator. If they manage to get the Constructicons in the sequel, I think it would be funny if they got Daniel Day-Lewis to do the voice.

There were two Transformers that I really wanted: Optimus Prime and Soundwave. I still wouldn't mind having them. Yeah, I could track them down on eBay or something, but I can't justify spending that much money on it.

The Constructicons



Shockwave



Optimus Prime



Convoy



One of the reasons I didn't have more Transformers is because I was a lot more interested in the Super Powers Collection. And while the Transformers were fairly expensive, the Super Powers figures weren't, so I ended up with almost the whole collection.

Interestingly, I didn't really have any of the Gobots, either. I had one, and I wasn't all that impressed with it. The flying saucer Gobot I had was Pathfinder, which as I just found out during the course of research, was one of the few chick Gobots. Figures.



And while some of the Transformers required you to have a degree in physics to switch them from vehicle to robot and back again without breaking anything, the Gobots were much less demanding. Flip, flip, twist, done.

I see comments from people saying that they like Gobots better than Transformers, but if you'd said that at school back in the day, there was a good chance of getting your ass kicked. At the very least, you'd be a social pariah.

And no, I didn't say it.