Tuesday, July 10, 2007

It could be worse...

You know, I don't like to be overly judgmental or anything, but seriously, what the hell?Thug chipmunks make Baby Jesus cry.

Not like I think you have to do an in-depth study of the material to protect the artistic integrity of the concept, but was there anything wrong with the old-school Alvin and the Chipmunks?

Not the one with the Chipettes, mind you. Old school. The Alvin Show. The one that also featured Clyde Crashcup.

This movie could be perfectly delightful, but I'm really not liking the character designs.

So now this has me wondering what other cartoon property will be the next to be brought to the big screen.

If I had to guess, I'd imagine that The Jetsons would be the next Hanna-Barbera cartoon to get the big-screen treatment. And maybe after that, I'm afraid that Magilla Gorilla seems likely, with a CG gorilla and Danny DeVito as Mr. Peebles.

At some point, they're going to have to dig into the 70s Hanna-Barbera stuff. And while I have to admit, I'd be interested in the concept of a Hong-Kong Phooey movie, that also means that there could be a movie with Jabberjaw, The Partridge Family 2200 A.D., or, God help us, The Hair Bear Bunch.

But with '80s nostalgia being so big, I think they might skip the 70s altogether. And since they've already done the Transformers and He-Man (and I could swear I read that they're considering doing a Thundercats movie), that means that you can expect to see a movie based on the following '80s cartoon:



Eschewing the typical "In a world" opening, I can imagine the trailer beginning with something like "Brett Matthews is a high school student with drive."

Cut to some POV footage of a car driving really fast.

"But after he finds himself in the wrong place at the wrong time--"

Some quick cuts of a car crashing through a wall--

"He finds himself on the road...and on the run."

And since you can't remake an '80s cartoon without throwing in a few "edgy" jokes for the old farts who used to be the target audience for the original show, you can expect at least one "stick shift" joke, a few "You wanna ride?" double entendres, and an offhand reference to the title character having junk in the trunk.

You think I'm kidding. Just wait to see who's laughing when this piece of crap (or something worse--Shirt Tales, anyone?) hits the theaters.

What can we learn from bad ideas like this? Be careful when you Google "Turbo Teen." I'm just sayin'...

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