Friday night videos: It is to laugh

To get you in a cheery mood for tomorrow's holiday festivities, here are some videos that, no matter how many times I see them, make me laugh.

A lot.

The Leeroy Jenkins Incident


Best Drug Bust News Report Ever (slightly NSFW)


Coolest fight scene from Black Belt Jones


Roommate's revenge


What smells like peanuts?


Are there any that you never get tired of?

A sense of wonder...

I hadn't been to AOL's In2TV for a while, but I saw today that you can embed videos, so I had to try it out. Modern technology is allowing me to share with you my very favoritest episode of Wonder Woman: "The Feminum Mystique." Feminum, if I recall correctly, is what Wonder Woman's bracelets are made of. On the show, anyway. I think back in the day in the comics, they were made of Amazonium.

Anyhow, enjoy both parts of this Wonder Woman epic, featuring Debra Winger as WW's little sis.

Watch more Wonder Woman videos on AOL Video

Okay, I laughed at this. Does that make me immature?

 

Just asking.

And no, it's not my e-mail.

Rock out

Here's arousing ditty to get you all psyched up for another week of work. Hoohah.

The number's up.

One of the many things that makes me look like a chump is that when asked for my cell phone number, I have to look it up. On my cell phone.

Some people are just really good at remembering phone numbers. I'm not. I mean, how often do I call myself, really?

Have you seen this man?

I thought I'd put this up for the sake of comparison. Now that you can make avatars for Xbox Live, I just had to make one for myself. It's actually kinda sad how much this looks like me.

Spending way too much time doing this.

Playing online against people far more qualified. While this video isn't me, it may as well be. I have to get back in the swing of things.

Here's a movie that just screams "remake"

Isn't the world ready for an updated version of the classic TV movie Devil Dog: Hound of Hell?



I think the most interesting thing I could tell from the trailer is that the kids who were in the Witch Mountain movies appear to be playing brother and sister again. That's kinda weird.

Oh well. I'm told it's a scary movie, but I'll have to find out once I watch it--whenever that may be.

In fear of the Irony Police

We bought Wall-E on DVD today. At Wal-Mart. If you've seen the movie, you know why I'm keeping my eyes peeled for the Irony Police wagon.

Halloween addendum

Managed to unearth another Halloween picture, though this was is a bit more recent than the others in last week's post.

By 1987, I was already in charge of taking my younger brother trick or treating. And if I had to schlep around town anyway, you'd better believe I was going to get some candy, so I dressed up, too.

As you can see, we staged Freddy vs. Jason years before it even hit the screen. I hadn't yet donned my sweater, because it was a bit warm. But I assure you, I was just as terrifying with my *cough* Garfield shirt.

I remember thinking my Freddy Krueger glove was pretty badass. It smelled practically toxic (new, not worn), so I'm sure the fabric was lead-infused, as were the plastic blades.

The few Freddy masks they had in the stores were pretty weak sauce, so I took an old skull mask of my uncle's and flipped it inside out to simulate burned, melty skin. It also had the benefit of allowing me to wear my glasses underneath.

No sense walking around in the dark if I can't see two feet in front of me, right?

Update to yesterday's post

Well, technically, you'll all have to wait till I'm able to afford an Xbox Live Gold membership. I'm supposed to get a free one-month trial, but after setting up my profile, the only options I was given was to pay.

I know they're cheaper on Amazon, but I'll just have to wait, since I dropped all my mad money on the console itself.

But after that, I will be a n00b, ready for some pwnage.

Sigh.

Xboxing's been good to me, Howard...

So I finally got all set up on Xbox Live, and lo and behold, it's almost midnight--because I've been playing all night.

So if any of you Xboxers out there want a n00b to pound on, my gamertag is

.

Be gentle.

That's gotta be a record.

For your Friday night video pleasure, here's the fastest Super Mario Bros. run you'll ever see.

We interrupt this program...

Had a great night. Hung out with my peeps after work. Just got an Xbox 360. Productivity for the night shot. Back tomorrow. Maybe.

Okay, fine. Me in costume. Sorta.

After being mildly castigated by my friend last week because I didn't dress up for Halloween this year, I thought that I could at least comb through the Siftin' photo archives and take a look at Halloweens past.

This was Halloween 1975, when I was just days shy of my first birthday. One thing I always liked about my costumes was that they were often a blend of custom tailoring and low-tech reuse of existing garments.

Hence, the classic mouse ears hat. I'm told that I was a fiend for Mickey Mouse at a pretty young age. I called him "Meemouse" and would want to watch reruns of "The Mickey Mouse Club" when it came on.

I don't know if my parents took me out trick-or-treating, but at least there was a picture for posterity.

Okay, now wait just a minute here. Here's me in 1977, just before my third birthday. That's what the back of the picture says. But I have another picture (which is really fuzzy, so I didn't use it) of me in this outfit two years later when I was in kindergarten. Did my mom let me wear the same costume twice?

I called her, and once I mentioned it, she said that it was possible, but she didn't remember for sure.

At any rate, I remember this when I wore it in kindergarten. My mom made the fake fur leggings and the fake leather vest, but the base of the costume was a set of white thermal underwear. My favorite part of the costume was the plastic mace, which, by the end of a day of kindergarten, had very few pointy parts still sticking out.

This is one of my favorite Halloween costumes ever, despite this shot of me rolling my eyes. Mr. Skeleton here was a pretty clever outfit. It's just a black leotard with reflective tape as the various bones. Stylish and safe to hit the streets at night. In fact, now that I think of it, I don't remember ever having a store-bought costume. They were always handmade, which is pretty awesome.

The next year, I finally got to be Superman. That's me in the center of the shot. My mom, if I recall correctly, didn't make my cape; rather, my first-grade teacher did. We moved in the middle of first grade, and as a going-away present, she made me a red cape.

Embarrassingly, I used a full set of Superman Underoos along with blue tights for my main outfit. And since my idea of dying my cowboy boots red was not entirely practical, we used knee-high red socks stretched over them.

 

The last Halloween picture I have here--I need to go to the master archive to look for the ones I'm missing, which may actually be slides--skips ahead a few years to 1984.

I was crafting ever more elaborate ideas for costumes, but I couldn't decide which one I liked the most. Consequently, I ended up cobbling my costume together the night before Halloween. I used a bunch of the stuff my dad used at his job with the phone company and dressed as a phone guy. It was a cool costume in retrospect, but at the time, I remember being pissed off that I had to use a last-resort that wasn't superhero-related.

Does it show much?

My weird brain

My brain is weird. When I was younger, memories imprinted themselves on my brain with what I think now is disproportionate importance.

Case in point: We recently moved to Pleasanton, which is where I spent a lot of time as a lad growing up in nearby Livermore. Pleasanton had the Stoneridge Mall, which was the biggest mall in our area. Sometimes on our way home, we'd pass the Burger King right by the 580 freeway entrance, and I think we begged to stop damn near every time.

One particular time, we *had* to stop, because they were offering Superman-related merchandise. In fact, what we got were these cup holder toys:



Now, the weird thing is that to this day, I see that Burger King, and it is immediately categorized as "The Burger King where we got the cool Super Powers cupholders." Like over 20 years later, mind you.

This also happens when I drive through certain areas and remember what song I heard for the first time when I was there. Completely useless memories, but they're there.

Anyone else similarly afflicted?

Walk hard, thanks to Honda

Oddly enough, the day I thought, wow, is it already the season for The Nutcracker, I saw a story about a gizmo from Honda that is supposed to help with mobility.

And before I could say, "Go go, gadget legs," I thought that this contraption reminded me of something.

And then I figured it out. The one vehicle from Kenner's Super Powers Collection that I didn't mind not having as a kid: The Justice Jogger.

I would love to know who at Kenner thought any of the Justice Leaguers needed a weird vehicle like this, to say nothing of Superman, who was lounging in it on the box.

Warning: Time suck ahead

I got sucked into these locked-room mystery games, and because misery loves company, I'm sharing them with you. Mwa!

Coolest tattoo I saw today

Awe. Some.

Friday night video: 1980 Fall Preview

I've said it before, but it bears repeating. I love that I can see TV ephemera on YouTube. This particular playlist consists of videos uploaded by user bobcnn. It's ABC's 1980 Fall Preview show. I loved these preview shows; I began formulating my viewing schedules based on them.

Music that brightened my day today.

Listen:



Buy.

I mean, seriously, how can you not like a girl with a ukulele? Really.

Taking another look

I was bummed to read this morning that Michael Crichton had died. At 66, he was still pretty young. While The Andromeda Strain and the Jurassic Park movies will likely get all the mentions in news coverage, we here at Siftin' will pay tribute to Mr. Crichton in our own way.

Please to enjoy our review of Looker, written and directed by Mr. Crichton.

Episode 2008: A New Hope

I'm still watching the local returns with a cautious eye, but in terms of the big race:

YES.

OK, so it's not Halloween anymore, but damn...

Just watch this. A capella "Thriller." All sounds by one dude.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Unpack your adjectives

Well, we're just about unpacked. I mean, we did the kitchen this morning, I finished unpacking the books yesterday (no mean feat, as we have craptons of them), and the house doesn't look like the U-Haul box showroom so much.

Now, it occurs to me, that it's already November, which also happens to be National Novel Writing Month. As I haven't done any writing, I'd theoretically already be behind. But I think I may skip this year; I didn't make the 50,000-word goal in years past, so I'm thinking I probably wouldn't this year, either.

But if for some reason I have some kind of epiphany on BART tomorrow on the way to work, then I guess I'm back in the game.

Vote early, vote often!

Everyone remembers the first time they voted, I think. How would you have voted in this race?



For the record, I voted yes.

Haul-o-ween

For the first time in my lifetime, it actually rained while I was out on Halloween. Not buckets, and not even consistently, but still, it rained. This is unusual for the part of California in which I live.

Although I guess technically, I'm in a different part now that we've moved; this was our first Halloween in our new digs.

And we're off to a good start; we got five full-size candy bars (another first in my experience). Brody was very enthusiastic about getting more candy even though he doesn't actually eat it.

"What are you going to do with all your candy?" my wife asked him.

"You gonna give it to me?" I asked.

"Yep."

"Awesome."

While you gently weep at my fake guitar prowess

Want want want want want:

A Beatles video game, a la Rock Band and Guitar Hero.

Old man's lament

How sad is it to post a YouTube video just because I miss the old design of Doritos bags?



And get the hell off my lawn, y'damn kids...

How to keep a moron in suspense...

In this case, the moron would be me. I just caught this video on FAIL Blog, and I was sitting there trying to figure out the source of fail. See if you guess it before I did.

In my room...

I found this while I was unpacking one of the billion or so boxes now occupying my new house. I think I was around 7 or 8 when I wrote this for some school testing thing that was going on.

I got this copy right after I turned 18 and decided to request a copy of my scholastic file--you know, to see if everything they said would go in to your permanent record actually did.

Click the video below to get in the right mood to read it (click the pic underneath to embiggen).

Re: Moving

Unloading a 14-foot U-Haul truck loaded with boxes in one hour: Ow. Thinking of how sore I will be tomorrow, given how sore I was this morning: Do I have to wake up?

Still moving

Well, we got the bulk of everything moved over, but we still have a metric crapton of boxes to bring over. Bah.

Hex-vexed

So the Siftin' Industries HQ is moving to a new location tomorrow, and that means we're down to the last bit of packing and disassembling.

In fact, this is the last thing I'm doing before packing up the laptop, so nothing important better happen between now and tomorrow, 'cuz I don't want to waste even more packing tape.

Anyway, one of my disassembly projects is our bed. We got it from IKEA back in the Mesozoic Era, and it's made a number of moves right along with us, including one time we thought we'd save time and NOT take it apart--just load the frame on the moving truck and pack around it.

I like to think those scratches and scuff marks give the bed some character, but I digress.

I almost wasn't able to take it apart because my main toolkit is at the new place, while the dregs are here with us. And every hex key in that motley assemblage of rarely used tools is for something OTHER than our bed, as it turns out.

Fortunately, my wife remembered that the torque on our electric drill/screwdriver is adjustable, so I cranked it up to 11 (metaphorically speaking), and got that wedged hex bolt out.

Actually, I'm not sure that the little screw thingy is actually called a hex bolt. I'm pretty sure that's the phrase used to refer to the Scarlet Witch's power in The Avengers, but I think you know what I'm talking about.

Anyway, I'll do my best to be back tomorrow, but I have to drive a ginormous U-Haul truck with like negative suspension over the Altamont Pass and try not to get bumped through the roof of the cab. Oh, and it's a stick, too. I haven't driven a stick since, well, probably since the last time I had to drive a giant U-Haul truck.

Wish me luck.

Anniversarying.

Today, my wife and I have been married for 9 years.

In other news, let's hear it for hot women with poor judgment! W00t!

And in other other news, here's the best Iron Man costume I've seen in a while.

This made me laugh a little too hard.

In which I weave a cautionary tapestry

Go make your own.

Daily dose of awesome...right here.

Pop goes my brain

And here you thought Men Without Hats only had one song...

Stay safe.

I'm in the middle of moving to the new Siftin' headquarters, so while I'm boxing up everything, you enjoy this video.

Or else.

Friday night video: I bet he was testy about this.

For tonight's video entry, I have painstakingly hand-selected this short piece that would very well be a segment on the show "Ow, My Balls!" from Idiocracy.

Ten chocolate layer cakes!

This was just added to Hulu, and it made my day.

Do you like my mullet?

OK, so recently, I shared with you, my close personal friends, the literal version of "Take On Me."

Here's the follow-up: the literal version of Tears For Fears' "Head Over Heels."

October = Halloween = Scary = This

I know it's not Halloween yet, but to get you in the proper frame of mind, I bring you not a standard slasher flick, not and old-school thriller, but something that may just break your brain.

Do you dare watch...

Turkish Star Trek?

Don't be a brick teaser

Because hey, who doesn't have 60 grand just lying around collecting dust--especially these days?

Well, if that pesky money is bringing you down, you can buy a lifesize replica of yourself built of Lego bricks.

I'm all into self-indulgence; I do write a blog, after all, but dear God; does anyone really need one of these? Do you get to approve it before you have to make the final payment?

"Looks good, but it needs some more bricks in the crotchular region. I hope you've got the factory on round-the-clock production..."

Or what if you get one made, and you've got a giant ass or something? Do you have to pay more? Would I get a discount because I have no hair?

There's a party in the hizzouse!

Well, actually, that was earlier today, but that's okay. I go to a fair number of birthday parties for the youngsters, and consequently, I see a lot of toys.

And while my cousin's son got some pretty sweet swag for his first birthday, I didn't see anything that had a cool-ass commercial like this:



But on the up side, I did go home with an edible Curious George head, thus leading to a number of inappropriate jokes.

And the number one reason I'm still bitter is...

Many, many moons ago, I used to try my hand at coming up with pithy ideas for the Late Show with David Letterman Top 10 List contest on the show's Web site.

Week after week, I'd try my best, only to not make it among the top 10 submissions. Until one week, I finally did. The category: Top Ten Least-Popular Halloween Costumes.

Not only did I get on the list, but I was at the top spot. Numero uno! For my awesomeness, I earned a Late Show Online T-shirt.

Earned.

Note that I didn't say received. Somehow, my beloved T-shirt never made it to my house. And though this was years ago--to give you an idea, I'm using Netscape on a Mac (Took the screenshot at work at the time)--it bugged me that there wasn't really a way to prove to my friends that I did it.

Aside from saving a printout of a screenshot and then finding it years later while packing. And now, I'm ineligible to win whatever prize they give away now, because I'm technically an employee of CBS. Sigh.

So to properly preserve my place in lame-o history, here is my winning submission (click to embiggen):

OK, so I'm a choosy mother.

Being a Superman nut as a kid meant that I was automatically interested in anything remotely to do with the character, whether it was Underoos, toys, or peanut butter.

Yes, Superman Peanut Butter graced shelves for a few years in the 1980s, and after pestering my mom, we got some. Being a choosy mother, she usually chose Jif.

I don't remember what it tasted like other than I liked Jif better despite the Superman connection. But every now and then I kept asking for it, in the vain hope that it had improved since the last time.

It was sorta like begging for Smuckers Goober Grape, the peanut butter that had jelly stripes already in it. It was good for one sandwich before reality set in and you realize it tasted like ass.

Anyway, it wouldn't be a Friday night without a video, so here's a commercial or two for Superman Peanut Butter:

All in all, it's just another checker at the wall

As I get older, I realize that when you are a kid, you're half-crazy. Things that wouldn't make sense to someone with two brain cells to rub together are everyday occurances for kids.

Eighth grade:

Very early on in English that day, one of my friends earned 15 minutes of detention; I don't remember what for. Now, my other friend was getting a ride home with him, so he figured he may as well do something to earn detention, too.

Talking was almost always good to get your name on the board as a warning, but he needed a check by his name to earn full-fledged 15 minutes of infamy.

I know, I know. You're asking, "Why didn't he just stay without doing anything to earn detention?" But as I said, that's what sane adults wonder. Kids figure, "Hey, I have to stay anyway, I may as well do something fun."

I have a tendency to be in the wrong place at the wrong time; my first day of school when I moved to Livermore, I got brought into class with a few other kids for making noise in the bathroom. I was innocent, of course, but dumb enough to hang around. This will come into play shortly.

Now my pal needed a check. In a moment of inspiration, he spied a checker on the table of games on the wall nearest our desks. His plan was to throw the checker at the chalkboard.

Yeah. That made perfect sense.

Now by the wizened age of 13, I knew better than to be in the general vicinity of anyone even thinking of doing something detention-worthy. To that end, I made my way to the back of the classroom to get a drink of water from the fountain at the sink.

Unfortunately, my friend had already launched his projectile. The checker hit me square in the chest, bounced off the wall, off a table, hit a desk, and finally came to rest on the floor, but not after making more noise than a dinosaur passing a kidney stone.

My teacher looked to see the source of the ruckus, noticed my friend looking guilty and noticed me at the sink. She added a check by my friend's name on the board. He had achieved his goal.

But then she wrote my name on the board. I wasn't worried; I knew that sometimes you had to take one for the team.

She added a check by my name.

Yes, through no fault of my own--aside from being naturally stupid--I managed to get detention for something I didn't even do. I charley-horsed my friend in the arm--the same one that got stabbed with a pencil in another classroom incident--and expressed my dissatisfaction.

You can probably just fill in your favorite swear word here.

It look a lot of convincing on my friend's part after school when we all remained for our punishment, but my teacher relented and gave me a full pardon. I thanked her, gathered my stuff and hit the road.

As I cleared the school ground, I checked my watch and did a little math. Factoring in my explanation plus my friend's, and then some cross-examination, I was still only--

16 minutes late.

I am not a coffee achiever

In the grown-up world where I spend part of my existence, I feel I start the day at a disadvantage because I don't drink coffee.

So generally speaking, you'll never hear me say, "God, I'm beat. I need coffee." More often than not, it will be something like, "Oh God, I think I got beaten up by little men while I slept. Is today over yet?"

See, coffee drinkers have hope that there is a cure to their listlessness. Me, I have to rely on Pez.

Which, judging from some of the looks I've gotten from co-workers, is not a breakfast food.

An ass full of pipe wrench

My friend Karyne sent this to me today, and I had to share it. This is the best version of "Take on Me" you're likely ever to hear and see.

Don't you know about the word?

I'm addicted. It plays into an already extant failing of mine, and now it's getting worse.

I got sucked in to playing Word Challenge on Facebook. I was fine just playing to kill time, but once friends started challenging me, I felt obligated to maintain my word nerd cred, you know?

I'm not normally a competitive person, but now that I'm getting better at it, it's hard to stop. My friend Jean is probably going to kill me soon, since I complained that I sucked and then a half-hour later beat my all-time best score (and hers).

That said, if you're on Facebook, challenge me. Half the time I get crappy letters and consequently, a crappy score.

The Price is Retired

As a game show nerd, I found this interesting. It's a video showing pictures of every retired pricing game from The Price is Right. Plus, it uses the classic TPIR background cue music, which is pretty pimptacular.

Nobody will ever know

I didn't submit this picture, but I could have:

Seriously, Mr. UPS Dude, why even make this half-assed--nay, quarter-assed gesture? Is that really going to keep someone from swiping my package?

I wish I'd have taken a picture of it, but one time we got a package delivered, and it was a pretty sizable box, like about the size of a medium U-Haul box, and I shit you not, it was on my doorstep, UNDER THE MAT.

Thanks for nothing, douche.

(via FAIL Blog)

Friday night video fun

It's that time again. This week, I'm feeling like checking out some old TV commercials, so here you go.

Movies that made you cry

Okay, now because we're such close pals, I'm going to share something with you: the first movie that made me cry.

Summer of 1980. I'm 5 years old, at the drive-in with my parents. Generally, when we went to the drive-in, I was already dressed in my pajamas, because I'd be fast asleep by the time the previews ended.

But this particular trip, I wasn't the least bit sleepy. I wasn't really interested in the movie my parents went to see; it wasn't a comedy or a cartoon, so I didn't give two craps. But as they kept trying to discourage me from watching it, I figured that it might be worth checking out.

Plus, while I could make out the Cheech and Chong movie on the nearest screen, I couldn't hear any of it, so it was pointless.

As it turns out, we were watching the first Friday the 13th movie, which explains why my parents wanted me to be asleep. Once it became apparent that I was going to sneak looks every now and then, I got a quick briefing on how while this may look scary, it's all pretend; like a cartoon, so if I get scared, I should just laugh it off.

And amazingly, it worked. And I'm sure I didn't see a whole lot of gore. I kept being offered popcorn and distracted by other questions at key point in the movie. I guess they gave up near the end, because the big battle is the only part I vividly remember seeing.

I remember the sense of relief I felt when the heroine defeated the killer. I could finally relax now, as was the character, floating on the placid lake in a boat. Here, check it out:



Yeah, right until mangled seaweed-infested Jason popped out of the water and grabbed her out of the boat. That scared the living crap out of me, and for a minute or so, I cried.

I had a grand total of one nightmare (Jason was trying to get me, but instead of looking like a drowning victim, he looked like a mummy wrapped in multicolored gauze), and after that point, horror movies never scared me much. I'd get startled from time to time, but not actually scared. Even now, alas.

What was the first movie that made you cry?

Not a complete loss of a day

Woke up late. Felt like crap. Got bored.

So I packed some stuff and decided to fix my desktop computer, which has been ailing for quite some time. After various attempts proved fruitless, I backed up my important data, reformatted the drive and reinstalled Windows.

Now I have a lot of space free on this computer, and it's working just fine. I haven't had to do a spring cleaning like this in a while, but it's almost always cathartic.

Oh, and I played a little more Lego Batman. But work calls, so it's back to the rat race tomorrow.

It's like distilling poo

My friends often ask me after long drunken-sounding tirades, "Sparkman, why do you have such a hate-on for Batman and Robin?" The movie, not the characters.

Really, it's hard to point to just one thing. I spent much of Batman Forever defending its cheesiness to my friend Meredith. And let's face it; there was some asstacular content in that flick.

But the point at which I had to physically restrain myself from leaving the theater was when George Clooney whipped out the Bat Credit Card and said "Don't leave the cave without it."

If you want to experience the pain without sitting through the whole movie, check out this video, which I saw over at Topless Robot.

Why was I envious?

When I was in elementary school, I envied my friend Adam because he was an only child. Not so much because he didn't have a little brother to deal with, although there were some days...

No, I envied him because, as an only child, he tended to get the cooler toys. Like all three colors of Magic Sand, which we combined and somehow thought we could use coffee filters to return each color back to their rightful bottles. Or like the castle Lego set, or the Ewok Village playset, etc.

One of the games he had was a handheld Pac-Man clone called Epoch Man, which, not surprisingly, was made by Epoch. I remember being a little jealous because while I as playing Mattel's Electronic Football, he had this gem.

In retrospect, I had the better game, but I was young and didn't know any better.

Leggo my Lego Batman!

At the request of my son, we exchanged some old games we never play for the new Lego Batman, which he's been jonesing for since he saw the preview on Lego Indiana Jones.

I haven't finished it just yet, but it's pretty fun, just like the other Lego games. Okay, enough writing. Gotham City needs me.

"I'm good for about twice a year."

My friend Karyne shared this with me the other day, and I just had to share with you. It has some NSFW language, so use your headphones.

And I'd hold off on watching this if you're planning on eating chocolate pudding any time soon. Watch it before it disappears.

Hug a copy editor today

Most of the time, you don't notice copy editors. A lot of people don't know what they even do. But I assure you, they're important. Not only do they try to keep all the L's in reference to Public Storage, but they also are responsible for finessing the copy; making it the best it can be.

And they have to do it in such a way that it doesn't look obvious to the reader (or to the writer). It's not a glorious job; that is to say, there's not a lot of attention paid to what they do.

So, given that I am both a copy editor and an incredible affection whore, I created a group on Facebook for copy editors and fans of copy editors. It's called Hug a Copy Editor. Like many Facebook groups, it's fairly pointless but fun to participate in anyway, so check it out.

As of this post, we've already got more than 30 members, and there's a burningly important question on the poll, as well as some copy-editing-related pictures.

Author, author

I've now been to two book signings. The last one was quite a while ago, when I saw Beverly Cleary. Today on my lunch break, I saw Brad Meltzer, whose latest book is Book of Lies. I held off buying it till today, just for the signing.

He talked about the book for a little bit and answered a few questions from the audience before getting to the actual signing. He seems like a cool cat; very mellow and self-deprecating. We talked for a little bit while he was signing my book, and I mentioned that it was nice to meet him in person, as we'd traded e-mails a few times.

"Oh, what's your e-mail address?"

I told him.

"Oh, you're Sparkman! Yeah, we e-mailed each other just a week or so ago."

So that was pretty cool. Plus, he's a Superman nerd like me, so we have that in common.

I haven't finished the book yet--I only got through 125 pages on the train ride home--but I'm digging it so far. Again, here's a little bit about the book. Check it out.

More reasons why Natalie Dee rawks

I mean, really, how can you not love Natalie Dee?


nataliedee.com

Seriously. Love.

Wharrgarbl.

 

This never fails to cheer me up. I offer it to you on the off chance you need a little cheer.

Head over heels for the Monkees

OK, so now Brody and I are working our way through various episodes of The Monkees. I'm working up to my favorite episode as a kid, "Monkees Get Out More Dirt," which guest-starred Julie Newmar.

I don't know how many of my fellow 5-year-olds back then developed a crush on her because of the one-two punch of this episode and various turns as Catwoman on Batman, but it sure worked on me.

And in other Monkees items, I found this while poking around on the Intarwebs. It's the Monkees' feature film Head. While it has gained a cult following, I can only imagine the puzzled looks from the young girls who loved the group when they saw this for the first time. It's odd, but it's got some cool tunes in it.

As for the movie's title, I heard a story (apocryphal, I assume)that it was named Head with thoughts of a possible sequel in mind so they could use the immortal tagline, "From the producers who gave you..."

You know, I think you can just do the math on this one for yourself. Enjoy.

If only it were always this easy...

"Hey Dad," my son said.

"What?"

"I wanna play the Indiana Jones game."

"This one?" I pointed to the PlayStation 2.

"Yeah."

I don't know why he wanted to, but I wasn't about to say no. Keep in mind that when he plays Lego Indiana Jones, that actually means I play it while he watches and provides a running commentary.

"That's Indiannie Jones!"

"You found a treasure chest!"

"You broked the man!"

And even more amazingly, he fell asleep watching. I think he just wanted to unwind, but it was fun for us to share the time. Even though he didn't have a controller in hand, he was telling me the story, so in a way, he was playing, too.

And he already told me that we have to get Lego Batman.

Soon. Very soon.

Hopefully he won't hold it against me

This morning I shared a show from my childhood with my son. I hadn't seen an actual episode since I was a kid, and it had aged even worse than I'd anticipated.

He seemed to like it okay, but he wasn't asking to watch more episodes, if you know what I mean. See what you think:


Online Videos by Veoh.com

Ace of Base rawks your face!

It's Friday, and the air is just right for having a good time. What better way to kick off your Friday night festivities than by enjoying a rendition of a popular song from the 1990s?

Arrrr.

I decided to be a day early in celebrating "Talk Like a Pirate Day" and said "Arrrrrrrrrr" for a really long time. I'm feeling better now, but while I recuperate, check out this creepy-ass toy.

The hole truth

The folks over at Nature.com have an interesting story about the history of the anus.

Yeah. You read that correctly.

I thought this was the most interesting part:

"So he and others have suggested that over time, the mouth elongated and then separated into a mouth and anus. Once the body included a gut with two ends, the anus could migrate to the far end of animal."

So now, I think, we have an explanation for the phrases "talking out of your ass" and "You know about real life like my ass chews bubblegum."

And while this article explains the origin of the anus, it still doesn't explain how so many of them end up in front of me on the freeway.

(via Monkeyfilter)

Isn't technology grand? If yes, go to Page 37.

My buddy Ken passed this along to me today, and I just thought it was slicker than snot on a doorknob.

All you fellow old people who have fond memories of Choose-Your-Own-Adventure books will at the very least grin when you see this.

Yoicks and away!

I have some stuff to do, so in lieu of actual content, here is one of my (and my son's) favorite cartoons: Robin Hood Daffy.

Evil...like it's the fru-its of the dev-il

Somehow despite being a nerd of the highest order (we were first online with Q-Link, for crap's sake), I had not yet made my way into the wonderful world of MMORPGs.

How did this happen?

Well, I'm just about as socially inept in cyberspace as I am in meatspace. I'm getting better, though; building up eptness, I guess you could say.

Anyhow, I broke down and decided to try City of Villains, partly because if I was going to try an MMORPG, it would involve superheroes and supervillains, and partly because I found it at Big Lots for only $6.99 (with the first month free).

What can I say? I'm socially inept and cheap.

I've just barely started, but I'm kinda digging it so far. I tried not to spend too long creating my first villain, because I didn't want it to be like playing The Sims, where I'd spend so much time designing the house and furnishing it that when it came time to actually play, I was over it.

My villain has mostly electrical-based powers. I thought I had the perfect name: Sparkman. Alas, it was taken. As was damn near every vaguely electricity-related name I could think of in the span of a few minutes.

I eventually ended up calling him Con Edison.

Hey, at least it wasn't already taken.

You Goonie!

I went with friends to a showing of The Goonies out in Modesto. It was the first time I'd ever seen it on the big screen, so it was kinda cool. Plus, hey, it's The Goonies, so it was cool anyway.

Something I hadn't really thought of before that I noticed this time was how many times you see up Andy's skirt throughout the movie. I mean, I know I noticed when I was an adolescent, but still.

Not a complaint, mind you; just an observation.

As a bonus, here's a YouTube vid of the excised octopus scene:

Friday night video time

One thing I liked about vacations when I was a kid: different city = different TV offerings.

When visiting relatives once in Southern California, I scoured the TV Guide to see what different shows they had. We were leaving in an hour, and it was the first chance I had to check out the prime cartoon time.

I saw the listing for the Fantastic Four cartoon (the first one, not the one with the robot). At the time, I hadn't seen the show in ages. My favorite episode wasthe one that told the team's origin.

I turned the TV to the right channel and waited for the show to come back from the commercial. And then this came on. I felt like Babe Ruth calling a home run.

FIlling a programming hole

Japanese game shows are made of pure awesome. So I was curious to see how well this translated over here. You decide.





Me, I'd be curious to see if "Silent Library" would be as cool as the original.

Crossword puzzling

I picked up The Biggest Book of TV Guide Crossword Puzzles Ever recently, and while doing a puzzle yesterday, I had the distinct impression that I'd done it before.

Sure enough, I had. For this blog, no less.

But I noticed something weird. The clue for 31 down in the old TV Guide I had was "Adjective for Cher." The answer was "exotic."

In the reprinted version, the clue is "Possible adjective for Indian food."

I doubt many people aside from me would catch such a thing, but why did they make the change?

The wartful dodger

Wow, you just don't see advertisement for wart removers like this anymore (from 'Teen, Sept. 1972):



This ad is just begging for remixing with new dialogue...

Happy birthday, Star Trek

The first episode of Star Trek debuted on this date back in 1966, a full 8 years before my birth.

I know, I'm as amazed as you that the world existed before me.

So to honor the anniversary of one of my favorite shows, and because I played game on my Nintendo DS way too long since the kids went to sleep early, I'm rounding up some Star Trek-themed posts that have appeared here.

Remember, if you haven't read them, they're new to you:

I refuse to believe in the no-win scenario and end up buying a collectible book for a pittance.

Not only am I overlooked to participate in the Star Trek Experience at Universal Studios, but it gets worse.

Remembering James "Scotty" Doohan.

Go, Fish!

You know, not only was Barney Miller a funny show, but damn if the theme song didn't have one of the coolest bass lines on TV.



And Abe Vigoda is still not dead. Go, Abe!

A cross (stitch) to bear

As part of my biggest nerd credentials, I showed off a Super Mario Brothers cross-stitch picture I made for my friend Karyne.

But if you want nerdy, we'll have to go back a little farther to when I was about 8. Having been dragged to stitchery store after stitchery store, I noticed that there were no cross-stitch patterns with a superhero theme.

Clearly this was unacceptable to me, so I decided to do something about it. I begged some graph paper from my mom, sharpened my pencil and set to work.

I wasn't going to draw any actual figures; that wouldn't translate to the blocky cross stitch style very well. But the superhero logos would do just nicely.

I knew Superman would be the focus of the picture, since as we all know, I have been and always shall be a Superman freak. I just drew smaller logos from other heroes around it.

With a little help from my mom on the outline backstitching, it wasn't too long before I had finished it:


Keeping in mind that I was 8 when I designed this, it's not too bad, I suppose. Clockwise from the top, it's Green Lantern, Aquaman (my redesign, as I considered the other one boring), Wonder Woman, Batman, Flash, Robin, and of course, Superman in the middle.

It's a little uneven in a few places (Batman, particularly), and my redesign of the Aquaman logo--if you mirrored it, it looked vaguely like a squid--still doesn't do anything for me. And the "P" in the text doesn't quite match the rest of the letters.

It's a little dirty now; apparently being kept in a box in the garage all these years wasn't quite the archival system I should have used.

But I still like it, just for the sheer nerd love it represents. Like it wouldn't have been nerdy enough to draw that; no, I had to sketch it on graph paper and then stitch it up.

And the chicks loved it.

Oh, wait. Never mind.

Joker...joker...underwater basket-weaving

It's another hair-raising Friday night here, so that means I've combed through YouTube to find something that really shines.

And how much cooler can you get than the first episode of The Joker's Wild?









My thanks, as always, to the awesome people who take the time to share this content. My hat's off to you.

Taco...grande!

I had a big post all ready to go, but then I went to pick up a few things at the store and discovered that Frito-Lay has brought back taco-flavored Doritos.

So I'm rockin' out to a late-night snack. I promise, actual content tomorrow.

In fact, I never understand these things I feel

Dammit.

I've wanted to go to visit North Carolina for a number of years now, but in this particular case, I'd give my left nut to be in Chapel Hill on September 18.

Why?

Because for the first time in 10 years--for a one-time-only show--Ben Folds Five is performing. Specifically, they're playing The Unauthorized Biography of Reinhold Messner in it entirety.

It's the inaugural concert in a new series from MySpace, believe it or not, called Front to Back, in which artists play an important album of theirs from beginning to end.

I miss Ben Folds Five. A lot. Even now, when I see people talk about their BFF, I have to stop for a second and remind myself that it stands for Best Friend Forever.

Alas, short of me winning the lottery, it seems unlikely that I'm going to be able to fly across the country to catch the show.

So I will crank up my CDs and sulk at home, I guess. Bah.

Ben Folds Five

Look, up in the sky...

Sometimes it seems like there's a book that was written just for me. And while we haven't met, it seems that Brad Meltzer had me in mind with his new novel, which is in stores now, The Book of Lies. What makes me say so? Here's the blurb:

In 1932, Mitchell Siegel was killed by three gunshots to his chest. While mourning, his son dreamed of a bulletproof man and created the world's greatest hero: Superman. And like Cain's murder weapon, the gun used in this unsolved murder has never been found. Until now.

Here's the trailer:



And if you haven't read any of Brad Meltzer's books or comics, here's a brief video that might help you decide:



I'm going to check it out, just based on his previous novels, which I enjoyed. Well, that and the fact that it involves Superman in some capacity. I'm a sucker that way because Superman is important to me.

Yeah, I know people think Superman is corny; that he's a big blue Boy Scout, but to me, especially growing up, he was my hero. I went into more detail in this post. He became even more important to me when my son Harry died at 7 weeks old. On top of everything else Harry had to deal with, he also had what, the doctors informed us, is sometimes called "Superman Syndrome."

So now it might make a little more sense why tonight I'm deviating from the normal retro-themed pop-culture-obsessed blather. There's this project that just kinda hit me in the right way, not just because of its first goal, but because of its mission. It's, well, let me give Mr. Meltzer the floor briefly.



In addition to the launch of OrdinaryPeopleChangeTheWorld.com, today is the official launch of The Siegel & Shuster Society, with a celebrity charity auction that'll raise money to preserve the home of Jerry Siegel, creator of Superman, along with artist Joe Shuster.

The items up for bids are about eight different kinds of awesome, but if it's not your deal, you can buy a Siegel & Shuster Society T-shirt (designed by the legendary graphic designer Chip Kidd), or you can just make a flat donation to the cause. All proceeds of the auction go to the restoration of the Siegel house.

It would be amazing if someday, I could take my kids and show them the spot where Superman was created. And even barring that, just to show them evidence that indeed, ordinary people can and do change the world.

I'm cynical and pessimistic as a rule, but there's a part of me that embraces the optimism and good will inherent in humanity. That's the part of me that will always like Superman, who does all the great things he does, not because he should, but because he can; he just wants to help.

If you want to help, then by all means, go to www.OrdinaryPeopleChangeTheWorld.com, and you can get even more detailed information.

Ridin' the rolly coaster!

What was the first roller coaster you rode? Do you remember?

I was 10 (a late bloomer in my opinion, but I was a short kid), and my parents took my brother and me on a trip to Great America, which at the time, had recently changed from Marriott's Great America to just plain old Great America.

Now I wish I'd have been able to compare that 1985 version to the classic version of my early youth, but since, as I said, I couldn't ride much of anything, everything was fairly new to me, except for The Demon, which I decided I would ride as soon as I was able.

But The Demon wasn't my first coaster. My first coaster was The Whizzer, formerly Willard's Whizzer. It was a fairly pedestrian family coaster with a spiral lift and some nice twists and turns.

I'd have to say that it was the perfect coaster for me to start with; not too scary, not too boring. From there, I went on The Demon and anything else I could legally get on.

Here's a video of The Whizzer at Great America's former sister park in Gurnee, Illinois:



I've been thinking about theme parks, and old-school Great America in particular because I've been writing a story in which a theme park plays a role. But in my not-even-humble opinion, Great America hasn't been a true theme park for years now. Now it's just an amusement park.

Oh sure, there are some great rides, but there was something cool about how you knew where you were based on the names of the rides or the style of decor. I mean, some of the names were cheesy as hell, but at least there was a theme, you know?

Now, it's California's Great America, which to me, sounds a bit odd, but they've got some new stuff planned, and it would be awesome if there was some effort made at some actual theming for the rides since they have to change the names anyway now that they aren't a Paramount park.

What particularly frosts my Popsicle is that my two favorite rides were Loggers Run and Yankee Clipper, only one of which still stands. Back in the day, the rides were like conjoined twins; at a few points, the tracks were close enough to see the other riders. In one spot, you were close enough to fling water at them if you happened to bring a cup with you.

But Yankee Clipper departed this plane a year before Joe DiMaggio so they could put in Stealth, the "flying" roller coaster. Don't get me wrong, Stealth was a cool ride--though my already long wait in line was made longer to rig a camera for some chucklehead from 98 Degrees to get pics taken for Tiger Beat or somesuch and they made me take my glasses off, so I saw a whole crapton of blurry nothing--but after only a few years, they took it out and moved it to another park. My Yankee Clipper had died in vain!

I know, I should just chill. Loggers Run is still there, I know.

But my brother and I had our own little name for the Yankee Clipper; one that I'm not at liberty to divulge, but should I finish and publish this novel I'm working on, you will discover. We had alternate names for most of the rides, as we had a lot of time on our hands with season passes in the summer of 1994. And we were dorks.

Good thing I grew out of that.

"If we'd have known you was comin', we'd have baked a cake."

To get you prepared for Labor Day hijinks, here's one of my favorite Three Stooges shorts, Cash and Carry.



There are a lot of little moments in this one that just kill me.

Math is for eggheads!

Every now and then I share stuff with my son that I enjoyed a lot when I was a kid. His newest favorite is Donald in Mathmagic Land. I remember seeing this in school fairly early in my scholastic career--it was on a film reel rather than a videotape.

He's quoting it already, which is very cute. His favorite parts are the billiards demonstration and the "doors of the future."

Check it out for yourself.

Today is canceled due to illness.

Nothing like a little food poisoning to kick off a three-day weekend. Hopefully I'll be over it soon. Blech.

Once you've had extra-crispy...

Saw this on Topless Robot, and it was too good to pass up.



Really? This got signed off without anybody thinking it was a trifle peculiar to have an action figure set where the characters are facing imminent death? Maybe they just thought, yeah, it's creepy, but at least it's not this:

Exercises in frustration

OK, so back in the day, I played craptons of games on my Commodore 64. One that used to just drive me nuts was Aliens.

I eventually got decent at it, but it took forever and a day to get past the first level, which was the spaceship re-entry procedure. You had to maneuver through a series of rings that, I assume, represented the safest trajectory for your ship through atmospheric re-entry.

At first it seems pretty easy, but once you run into turbulence, the rings are farther apart, and more scattered. Miss a ring, and you're pretty much screwed because you'll have to start over from the beginning.



This particular gameplay "feature" would come back to bite me in the ass with Superman 64, a game that I actually asked for. On purpose.

How bad is it? Ask the Angry Video Game Nerd. He pretty much says it all. But if you doubt his opinion, try looking up "Superman 64 sucks" on Google.

There's always room for cello

When I was in fourth grade, we had a music assembly in the multipurpose room. It was their annual orchestra recruitment assembly where they'd tell us that we could have fun in the orchestra, bla bla bla.

Naturally, piano wasn't one of the options (I played a mean electronic organ at home), so I wasn't paying that much attention. For some reason, fourth-graders could only play stringed instruments such as the violin.

They gave us a demonstration of the various instruments, and still, I wasn't interested.

Until the guy with the cello showed up.

I was intrigued by the fact that, unlike most of the other instruments, to play the cello meant you got to sit down.

Hey, I'm lazy.

But what really sold me was when he started playing the theme to Star Wars on it. How badass was that? I'd be the life of the party in no time.

Now there were a few obstacles in my way here. The instruments, I'd heard from friends, were very expensive, and being a total klutz, I knew there was no way I could convince my parents to buy me a cello outright.

Oh, and there was the small matter of me never having played the cello or any other stringed instrument, unless you counted the Mousegetar I had when I was 4.

There was essentially one way for me to be able to play cello in the orchestra. There was a district-wide music test that would be given in all the schools, and the top students would be allowed to use the district-owned instruments.

And out of all the students interested, only two in our school would get the cellos. So the odds weren't exactly in my favor.

The day of the test came, and we musical wannabes filed into the multipurpose room and did our best.

As it ended up, the two students who got the district's cellos were my friend Erin and me. Don't ask me how I was a top scorer. To this day, I have no idea.

And while I never learned how to play Star Wars (apparently you can't just start with that; who knew?), I was still excited to play in a school recital.

How excited?



Yep. About that excited. How I ever ended up getting married is beyond me.

Stupid Internet. Bah!

As I spent most of the night trying to revive my Internet connection, I'm fresh out of time to regale you with a pointless tale from yesteryear.

But I don't want you to go away empty-handed, so here, providing just about the same level of maturity, is an episode of Jackass.

Let's be careful out there

With school starting for the youngsters, I thought it might be a good idea to review some basic rules of bicycle safety.

Since I fell off my bike almost every time I rode, I thought maybe I should leave the safety tips to someone else more qualified.

Like YouTube.