How Manilow can you go?

Wow, I'm on a roll lately (that's why there's butter on my pants) finding nuggets of pop culture detritus on YouTube. Having finally found the "Who Broke My Window" PSA, I tried to think of other things I had yet to find.

And for some reason, I thought of a bit from a Barry Manilow concert where he talked about commercial jingles. I mentioned this here back in 2005. Long story short, there was a rejected jingle that he came up with for Hoover vacuum cleaners.

So I looked up "manilow jingles." Lo and behold:



Much to my amazement, despite having not heard this in 25 years or so, I had all the lyrics more or less right except for one line. Should you want to perform it with your a cappella group (such as Here Comes Treble), here are the lyrics:

When that jar of peanut butter

Goes crashing to the floor

And it gets smooshed into the carpet

By the brat who lives next door

Don't you reach for the broom and dustpan

Or that old Electrolux

For dirty, filthy, grimy jobs

Hoover ... really ... sucks.

One other thing I noticed about this is that as a kid, the joke about the douche jingle went totally over my head. "...it's disposable..." I don't know how that happened. I clearly had to have known what a douche was -- my brother was already born by that time.

Badoomboom.

Raise your hand if this surprises you in the least

TV Jingle Quiz



Score: 100% (16 out of 16)

(via YesButNoButYes)

At long last...

I have roughly 3 anjillion tapes of old TV commercials from the 50s through the late 80s. That includes just about any compilations you've seen at the store, and darn near most of the offerings you might find on eBay. There are actually a few that I always get outbid on, but I'm sure I'll nab them eventually. How else will I have a commercial for the "Sgt. Pepper" movie with Peter Frampton and the Bee Gees?

I could watch nothing but commercials for at least an entire weekend without repeating a tape or disc.

Why do I have so many? Honest to God, I can't give a good reason other than that they interest me. The older ones, pre-me, are fascinating in how things were marketed. The ones from my childhood are interesting because I remember jonesing for those toys and snacks.

Out of the thousands of commercials in my collection, there is one (aside from the "Pepper" spot) that has eluded me thus far: the famous "Who Broke My Window" PSA produced for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

Despite not having seen it since its heyday, I can still sing the whole thing -- stone sober, mind you.

My exploring on YouTube and other video sites were likewise bereft of satisfying the itch. It's not even that I like the thing so much, though I kinda do.

I haven't been able to get it out of my head. Part of collecting all this stuff (and writing about it) is a kind of exorcism of sorts. If it's on tape or written down, I don't have to keep it stored in my head.

Well, about five minutes ago, I made my weekly check, and holy cow, it was there.

So here it is (as long as it stays up on YouTube -- your mileage may vary):

Cheez-It! The cops!

Superman fights for truth, justice and the American way. His nemesis is Lex Luthor, an evil genius who wants nothing more than to break the Man of Steel.

I fight for peace at lunchtime. My nemesis is an evil genius who apparently wants nothing more than to defy me at every turn and make what little hair I have left go gray.

My 4-year-old, Brody.

Seriously, not a day goes by that there's not some kind of headbutting over who is going to eat what and when. If it were up to Brody, he would live on chocolate milk and Cheez-Its.

On one hand, he doesn't eat much in the way of sweets; he refuses all candy, the only cookies he'll eat are chocolate-chip and he won't try any ice cream or cake. That's not so bad.

But on the other, he won't try fruit, vegetables, any meat that is not a chicken nugget or anything even slightly nutritious.

And it's hard to get him any vitamins, because the usual trick to make kids take their vitamins -- make them more like candy -- doesn't work with him. Our pediatrician suggested Carnation Instant Breakfast, as it's considerably cheaper than Pediasure and other supplements.

So at least that way, he's getting some kind of nutrition, but I still feel like the worst dad ever.

I've read in scores of magazines and books that it takes a bunch of tries before a kid will eat a new food. Having tried that, I can say with confidence that they are full of crap.

The few times I've been able to even get something in his mouth to taste it is when in the course of wrestling with him, part of it accidentally got into his mouth. He puts up a big fuss with many tears, and then is like, "Hey, this tastes kinda good."

We've been able to expand his menu to a whopping four or five different options, none of which I consider winners. But the books also say the main goal is that they eat something.

I've actually made a breakthrough in that now he will say that he's hungry. Yes, I'm expecting that big parenting award any day now.

Of course, he'll say that he's hungry, but he won't tell me what he wants.

Baby steps, I guess.

The other day, he decided that even though he ate his peanut butter sandwich, he wanted something else. I'm trying to encourage him when he actually deigns to eat like we mortals, so I asked him what he wanted.

"..."

"Brody, you need to tell me what you want."

"I want something else."

"I gathered that, sport. What 'something else' do you want?"

He said nothing, but inched ever closer to the pantry. Now I knew exactly what he wanted. Cheez-Its.

How did I know? He was conscious.

"I want something else..." Great. Now he's in full-on whining mode. From this point, he'll just repeat the same thing, each time increasing in pitch. If I let him whine long enough, it's only a problem for any dogs in the neighborhood.

Wanting to keep him from going nuclear, I open the pantry door.

"Okay, pal. What do you want?"

"Up on the six."

"What?"

"Up on the six."

Every now and then, Brody says something that he thinks makes perfect sense. I assumed this was one of those times until I looked at the pantry, starting at the bottom. Son of a...

Sure enough, the Cheez-Its are on the sixth shelf in the pantry.

Well, score one for him.

Everybody all around the world, gotta tell you what I just heard

My darling wife alerted me to this, and I have to say, I'm torn. I'd say a Broadway musical based on a crappy movie is just a bad idea, but then there was "Little Shop of Horrors."

Yeah, I know it was off-Broadway, but they had a Broadway revival a few years ago, so let's just go with the analogy.

But Xanadu?

Really?

Maybe, yeah. I always dug the music, and let's be honest, half of that movie was practically a stage musical to begin with. If it ever came around my neck of the woods, I think I'd be obligated to see it.

Had I visited The Xanadu Preservation Society recently, I'd have known about this already.

And you heard it here first: If this show bombs, you know they're going to use the lyric "A place where nobody dared to go."

Just like if the next Hulk movie doesn't tank, you're going to see a bunch of "'Hulk' smash!"

I'm not claiming that either is terribly clever, but I know copy editors and their headline-writing habits.

You say it's your Earth Day...it's my Earth Day too, yeah

Ah, Earth Day once again.

I've been up to my myopic eyeballs in other non-Siftin' stuff, so I haven't had as much time to devote to the ol' blog. Apologies to the three of you out there.

In honor of Earth Day, I'm continuing the tradition I began last year of recycling some posts you might have missed or were just so good you should read them over and over, commit them to memory and perhaps tattoo them on the body part of your choice (don't forget to send the pictures...)

This year's crop:

A commercial for Ball Buster, the best game commercial ever.

A look at one of my favorite cookbooks

Some thoughts about sports mascots

More Wonder Twins madness

Some dumb things I have done

and if you're really into the whole recycling thing, here's last year's Earth Day entry.

You organic product aficianados can get your official organic cotton Siftin' T-shirt here.

Watch Horror Movies...Keep America Strong!

Today is Bob Wilkins' birthday. For years, he hosted "Creature Features," a showcase for bad movies, before turning the reins over to John Stanley in 1979.

On "Creature Features," not only could you discover great bad movies in the days before everyone had a VCR, but he also interviewed many important figures in science fiction and horror.

Despite being just a bit past my fourth birthday when Bob stopped hosting the show, I still have memories of watching on the rare occasions that I stayed up really late. To be honest, I'm not sure exactly how this worked, as my parents weren't in the habit of letting me stay up till all hours of the night. I can only presume that they were watching it and I came out to ask for a glass of water or something.

I met Bob (and John Stanley) at WonderCon a few years back. I told them that they were responsible for my addiction to bad movies. I added that I didn't know if I should thank them or blame them.

And one year that I couldn't go, I had my brother pick up the Best of Bob Wilkins tapes, which are now available on DVD, and I highly recommend them.

I wasn't able to attend the two tribute shows thrown last month (and hosted by Mr. Lobo) to benefit Alzheimer's research (curse my work schedule), but it looks like they were a lot of fun.

Here are two YouTube clips that show you a bit of what's on the DVD.




Here's a picture one of my friends snapped at WonderCon the first time I saw Bob. I kept grousing that I wished I could've gotten my picture taken with him, but I didn't want to hassle him, because I'm really shy.

Outside for a quick break, my friend told me to look at the camera. He took a quick shot while Bob was walking by, so I got my picture. A bit chicken on my part, I admit, but now I'm glad I've got this picture.

Happy birthday, Bob!

I hope those are Raisinets in my Easter basket...

It's Easter, and lo and behold, I found Cadbury Creme Eggs in my Easter basket.



BJ Novak (Ryan on The Office) sheds light on a serious matter.



You know about watching The Wizard of Oz while listening to Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon, but what happens when you eat Marshmallow Peeps while you listen to The Wall?



or while watching Star Wars?



Now this looks like a lot of fun. Reminds me of riding down the giant hill in my cousin's back yard to fly off a ramp and realize that we should have been wearing "nard guards."



The Easter Bunny always seemed like a nice guy, but now I dunno...



This is for Brody...



Happy Easter, yo.

I'd buy it

I come up with many ideas for items to add to my Cafe Press store that sadly, I can't use because of their policies. Not a dig against them; otherwise there'd be tons of bootleg T-shirts and stuff.

But if anyone is ever promoting a children's literature program or something, I've got the perfect T-shirt slogan:

What would Beezus do?

More stuff

Just added a new widget to the sidebar that pulls videos from YouTube and Google Video. Right now, it's using the keywords for 80s commercials and 70s commercials. I may change it from time to time.

Give it a shot -- it looks kinda neat.

They know what they're talking aboot.

I've mentioned before that my brother and I used to watch "The Edison Twins" on the Disney Channel back in the days where in addition to sweet Canadian programming, you could actually watch, you know, Disney cartoons.

Poking around on YouTube, I found a shot-for-shot remake of the opening credits. They also had a picture-in-picture version, in which you can see how exactly they replicated it.

Awesome all around. Check it out.

Hey, Alanis ...

No, this isn't the introduction to the Opposites.

Apply directly to the ...

OK, I think we've all suffered and seen the commercial for HeadOn.

"HeadOn -- apply directly to the forehead. HeadOn -- apply directly to the forehead. HeadOn -- apply directly to the forehead."

They even know that the commercial is annoying; they try to make fun of how annoying it is. No dice. Even more annoying.

These days, they've got ActiveOn, which is a pain reliever of sorts (I think), and FirstOn, an itch ointment. Clearly they are trying to branch out and expand their offerings.

So that got me to wondering where exactly they're going to go next.

Then it hit me: herbal male enhancement pills -- that's the big thing these days, right?

But what could they call it?

Hmm...

Okay, I'm bound to think of something. Just give me a few minutes...

Wild about Harry

I'm wearing my Chewbacca T-shirt in honor of my son, Harry, who would have turned 2 today.

Chances are you never got to meet him; we barely did ourselves. But I admired both his tendency to get hungry exactly a half-hour before it was time to eat and his luxurious mane of hair.

Really. He didn't have just a good amount of hair; he had a mop of Charles Ingallsian proportions.

I still think about him every day, and every now and then I wonder if he's messing with me, whether it's a butterfly dive-bombing me just as I walk out the door or the number on my McDonald's receipt being his birthday.

I'll get back to the off-color jokes and pop-culture memories later. Until then, raise a glass, mug or paper-bag-wrapped bottle (depending how your day is going) and toast my favorite Wookiee.

Apparently not.

I have two things to say about Fox's game show, "Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?"

1. I learned of it during a commercial break from a NASCAR race (Brody likes to watch for the first 10 minutes or so). Draw your own conclusions about what Fox thinks of NASCAR fans. I bet they didn't advertise on the National Geographic channel.

2. Fifth-grader should be hyphenated.

The fever for the flavor

Did she just say "Once you taste the fluffer?" Discuss.

All hail the Shat

So it was William Shatner's birthday the other day -- happy birthday, Shat -- and it got me to thinking. I know he's written some books about his days on Star Trek, but has he written a full autobiography?

If not, I've got the perfect title:

Are you buy-curious?

UPDATE: Dumbass me fixed the mistyped link to my own store.

In case you haven't checked out the official Siftin' store yet (for shame), here's a look at one of the items you'll find there that doesn't have my face on it (no snide comments, please).


Aside from the thong with my face on it, I'd say this is the item that's getting the most interest from viewers.

Remember, this is your chance to support puerile humor.

What I wanted to be when I grew up, circa 1978

Pizza farmer

So what's on TV, yo? Part II

Wow, looks like a ho lot of programming lately. Is this a cooking show?